my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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