If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
