Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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