I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there was a trapeze. enough said
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
