So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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