I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
