he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
