so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
