When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
