Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
