You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
