Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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