so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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