Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
