I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
