Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
