Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
