the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
