After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
