Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
