Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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