i would punch a child for taco bell
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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