I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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