There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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