I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
