I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The ass gains better be worth it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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