i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
