i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
