I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
