My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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