I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
