he shaved USA in his pubs
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize