After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize