I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
