recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
