Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
