He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
