We named our party play list daddy issues
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize