Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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