your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
