just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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