So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
