he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
