I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
