you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you win again, gameday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
