apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
