beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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