I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
where are my eyebrows?
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