I bet he comes in French.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize