if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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