im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
