I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
