Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
