We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hippo gnu deer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize