Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
