You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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