Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
