Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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