I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she peed on how many people?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
do nipples grow back?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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