i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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