69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
