did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
