Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
