Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize