I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was born a porn star she said
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
