You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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