there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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