just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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