Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
