Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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