She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
