why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
