it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
