Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
