And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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