I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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