everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
