we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize