Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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