Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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