It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
