I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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