I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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