There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
