woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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