What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
