you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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