I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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