I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
