I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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