Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We got so high we made milksteak
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
