I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
