I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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