I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
