Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
