last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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