I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize