chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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