it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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