i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
