first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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