I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
