May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
