Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
